I’m pretty good about discouraging people from sending me those annoying “forward-this -to-ten-people-or-something-bad-will-happen” emails. But I sometimes do enjoy the funny ones, like the one I received last week. It had a list of new words for 2008.

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Salmon Day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die at the end.

Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm (an office filled with cubicles), and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

Crop Dusting: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a cube farm.

404: Someone who’s clueless. Derived from the World Wide Web error message ‘404 Not Found’ that means the requested site could not be located.

After I read this, I decided to flex my own creative muscles and try to make up some words that would apply to the world of singledom and Mormonism. All but a couple are original. Here’s what we came up with:

A Sister Robinson: A Mormon mother likes the young man her daughter is dating more than the daughter does.

Cyber School Reunion: The two-week period after you join Facebook when you are bombarded with hits from people you knew in high school.

UFO: A guy who hovers around a cute girl but never actually lands and abducts her.

Fallen Soldier: A single friend who just got married.

Textual Harassment: An assault of text messages from a (usually) unwelcomed pursuer.

Chick A”flick”ionado: An expert in chick flicks.

Nothing But Net: A Mormon who pays tithes on net income rather than gross.

Satelitte: A ward member who lives outside the ward’s boundaries.

“I’m on the books”: What an inactive Mormon says to convince a cute, pious Mormon girl to date him since he is still officially Mormon because his name is in the church records. (And I got this one from my dad’s best friend, who is an Adult Aaronic.)

Okay, I know some of these are a stretch (and not as good as the first list), and I doubt they will ever obtain the usage of such words like wingman, metrosexual, Molly Mormon or Peter Priesthood. But hey…my creative muscles do feel stronger.

**So if you date Jenny, amuse her by using some of her new words in conversation. She would think that she is very “hip.”