Having all these free time being unemployed, I have a good dosing of surfing the Internet everyday. One day searching for ways to make myself more attractive to the opposite sex, I read that orange makeup is the best color for blue eyes. I thought “orange??…eck.” But I learned that orange is on the opposite side of blue on the color wheel, which means it contrasts the most with blue—making it really pop out.

So during a little shopping adventure in downtown San Francisco last weekend, I saw a Sephora store and thought to try this color theory out. Sephora is like a candy store for the face. With all its colors and flavors, you want to sample everything. But beware—this is unsupervised sampling. I realized this while I was trying on a “Pumpkin” eyeshadow when I noticed a homeless person next to my right spraying himself with the perfume samples. Then I noticed on my left a transvestite sampling a tube of red lipstick (gotta love San Fran). I was following hygienically best practices using a q-tip and cotton ball, so when I looked down at the q-tip covered with orange eyeshadow in my hand, I thought “oh gross.” I wanted to walk out of there but was kind of trapped, and I was afraid of either being mugged or bitchslapped if I rudely rushed by. So I waited and pondered about sampling.

An advantage of still being single is that I can still sample. Married people have made their purchase—but I’m still in the buying process. Sometimes it’s still fun to sample without ever having any intention to buy. I sometimes purposely walk into a cookie shop and ask for a sample. As I slowly chew my free treat, I try to look like I’m intently thinking about what to buy, only to sneak away when the cookie lady got tired of waiting for my order or became distracted with a real customer. Sometimes I’m “thinking” for a long time and have to ask for additional samples until I have an exit. (These are not my proudest moments.) It’s similarly hard to sneak away when sampling a guy. Saying, “thanks, but no thanks” can be awkward. It’s easier to either wait for the guy to get distracted with another girl or finally give up waiting for you to “decide” your schedule. Regardless how you exit, I always thank him for the sample.

Back at Sephora, the man/woman finally said something like this color was hideous and strutted off. I decided I was done sampling, grabbed my Pumpkin eyeshadow, and shuffled off to the register.

**So if you’re dating Jenny, you may just be a sample. But who knows? You might just be the orange eyeshadow she wasn’t expecting to compliment her—but did.