WTF. BRB. JK. Our language is being infiltrated with acronyms in our daily language. I’d like to introduce a new acronym I believe can help us save some breath when discussing this conversation-rising topic: EOTW.

EOTW stands for “end of the world,” also known as Armageddon, the apocalypse, good-bye-everything-as-we-know-it world. I’m hearing more and more about it in my everyday conversations with friends—well, really just guy friends—and I believe it now deserves a conversational shortcut.

I didn’t really know there was such a movement to prepare for EOTW. But like learning a new word then seeing it everywhere, I couldn’t believe all the obvious and subtle things many men were doing to prepare.

The most obvious EOTW advocate is my ex-coworker AK, who is proud to be the poster child for emergency preparedness. Within a week of joining our staff, AK brought to our attention (often from off-the-record quotes from past church prophets, which is ironic considering the fact he isn’t Mormon—really) the pending destruction of the American nation if we did not return to what the founders originally designed—a Constitutionalist society. (Please see his comment on my last post.)

AK wasn’t hopeful, so he would frequently make weekend trips to the welfare center to stock up on wheat, beans, etc. (“Hey, did you know they are having a super sale on long-grain wheat?”) and designing an EOTW compound on his land in rural Utah.

But AK has been the most extreme I’ve encountered. I have other guy friends who aren’t building compounds but personal arsenals. Let me introduce you to my friend below—the Bearded One. He likes to buy assault rifles and assemble what he calls “Personal Protection Kits” or even “zombie kits.”

In a recent G-chat conversion, he asked

Beard: how’s your zombie kit coming along?

me: zombie kit?

Beard: zombie kit. i’m still working on mine

me: are you referring to building an arsenal to fight zombies in the EOTW?

Beard: if it was the EOTW, you wouldn’t need a zombie kit. you only need a zombie kit to fight the dead when they come back to share the earth with the living.

me: that could be an EOTW

And then I have guy friends who aren’t consciously preparing, but subconsciously behaving as if EOTW will happen. A few months ago I went to dinner with my friend DJ. As the hostess led us to our table, I took the seat in the corner. DJ hesitated for a moment, and finally asked if we could switch seats. Curious to such a request, I asked what does it matter. He told me that he prefers to sit where his back is against the wall, which gives him a clear view of the entire room, in case something happens. I rolled my eyes and switched seats.

And it gets even more subtle after that. My friend Ryan doesn’t wear flip-flops when he flies in case for any reason he has to run as fast as he can away from the plane. My dad buys Chapstick and white socks EVERY time he goes to the store, as his greatest fear is to have chapped lips and wet feet in the EOTW.

My most personal experience with real EOTW was about two and half years ago. I was in Israel, standing on Mt. Carmel overlooking the Jezreel Valley. My guide told me the battle of Armaggedon will commence in this valley, as stated in Revelations. Just then I looked up to see five F-16s from the Israeli army fly overhead to a nearby air force base, and I thought, “yup, I can definitely see a war starting here.”

So whether you think a the world will be infected by a disease causing vampirism, invaded by aliens, flooded by water, or iced over. Or maybe you fear machines will take over in the future and send cyborg assassins to the present to terminate future human leaders, either stop watching movies or start getting EOTW ready.

My thanks to Atkins and the Beard for inspiring me to start a 72-hour kit and my own zombie kit, respectively. And if these guys are right and EOTW is really coming,  I encourage everyone not only to start getting ready with gear and supplies, but also to start repenting. 

**So if you want to date Jenny, take her to the new movie The Road starring Viggo Mortensen. She read the book a year ago and it’s her favorite EOTW story.