Lefty responds! He said I was cute—and cool to boot! (See the end of the post.)

So his comment got me thinking about an old philosophy I believe, or used to believe, about the success of a relationship. First, I started thinking about the definition of cute. What is cute? Puppies are cute. Do I want to be compared to a puppy? Or would I rather be considered beautiful by the opposite sex?

But then I started thinking that looks shouldn’t matter at all, that I should be judged by my coolness, as Lefty kindly pointed out. But, unfortunately, that’s not the case. Looks do matter—especially for guys.

Why is this? Guys are visual; girls are emotional. You’ll often see a good-looking girl with an ugly guy, but you’ll never see a good-looking guy with an ugly girl.

Based on this, I had a theory for a successful relationship, which included the following:

1. Looks are so important to guys, that if they end up getting with a girl that’s better looking than he, the guy will be so grateful that he’ll be extremely loyal and treat her like a queen.
2. Security and loyalty are important to girls, so they often will choose a guy who is not as good-looking as her so she feels appreciated. She’ll feel prized, important, and special, rather than feeling used, ignored, and convenient to a good-looking guy who thinks he deserves someone prettier.

For the last few years, I’ve tried to apply this theory to my dating life. I looked past good-looking guys just like I look past the 4-inch Manolo Blahniks at Neiman Marcus. They are just too hot for me to handle. No way would those guys or shoes accept my awkward, offbeat gait in life.

Instead I tended to peruse over the boring sneakers, flip-flops, or the nerdy orthopedic blocks known as Dansko. And it’s the same with guys. I tended to find myself browsing a “safer” line of men. Bald, fat, and hairy. Send ‘em over! That’s where I’m shopping.

So why did I prefer less attractive over the studs? Well if he’s chubby, I won’t feel my lovehandles are that much of a liability. If he has a big nose, maybe he’ll cut me a break on my high forehead.

But this is not so. The last few times I’ve dated someone with whom I felt “comfortable” because I wasn’t intimated by good looks have been no different than my few encounters with some Dr. McSteamies of the world.

Guys are guys—whether they’re good-looking or not. They act selfishly and superficially—using you for your cookies and basketball tickets—until they decide to grow up, which is usually instigated by meeting the girl of their dreams or they have to start taking Viagra.

Thus, I’ve come to the conclusion that looks don’t matter on either end of the specturm, the definition of cute is subjective, and both love and guys are unpredictible. I figure I might as well try aiming my sites a little higher. My chances of it not working out with a Christian Bale look-a-like are just as good as it is with the chubbies, so I might as well enjoy some brief eye candy in the process.

With that said…Six-foot-two and ripped? Gorgeous locks of flowing hair? A mile-wide smile that melts the ice off mountaintops? That’s where I’m now spending my money.

*Please note that Jenny writes this tongue-in-cheek. She knows all of this ultimately comes down to being a cool person. Please note that Lefty thinks she’s cool, and that should be all that matters. Lefty also thinks she’s a cutie, like puppies, and everyone loves puppies.

Lefty

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