Snoring ruins relationships.

My friend here snored last night. He said he was a fairly quiet sleeper and rarely snores. So far in the trip this has been true, until last night.

I should have known better. Most guys snore, and if they say they don’t, they’re in denial.

His was a rhythmic snore at least. You can sometimes try to work a melody into it to serenade yourself to sleep.
The worst are the random patterns of snorts, growls, and whistles that are nothing but a cacaphony of breathing. My father and brother snore like that, and I slept in the same room with a fair share during my trip last spring to South America.

Regardless how the air sounds coming in and out, any bedmate suffers.

I don’t know this guy well enough to really do anything about it. Sometimes you can hit a snorer to stop him just long enough to try to fall asleep before the roaring starts again. But I don’t know if I’d wake an even bigger monster doing so.

besides, whacking the snorer usually fails, for despite how hard I pray with all my might “fall asleep…fall asleep…fall asleep, and despite how close I get to entering the blissful state of silent unconsciousness, it starts……..again. At first I’m in denial.

“No…I didnt hear anything. Wait…it stopped again..wait…No!!! Go away!”

But you dont give up.

“FALL ASLEEP DAMNIT! There’s not much time!”

So I lie awake, staring at the ceiling (in this case the top of a tent), fuming. Feelings of anger, literal anger, emerge for selfishlessly hogging those precious hours before the morning. The next day you’re tired, cranky, all because of HIM. That’s how snoring ruins marriages, junior high sleepovers, and camping trips.

But there’s a solution. It’s not ear plugs; those are annoying. It’s in the form of a magic blue pill called Halcion. A mild sleep-inducing agent that fogs your mind with a sonoric fuzziness that hypnotizes your brain waves to instantly put you out of commission for the next 6 hours.

I took one last night after an hour of thinking to myself in vain “Fall asleep, damnit! Fall asleep.”

It worked…and we’re still friends and we’re back on our merry way.