Hello? Heelloooo? Anyone there? Guess not. Serves me right. People stop listening when you stop talking. I haven’t written a blog post in about 4 months. The datejenny Web page is boarded up and overran by weeds like a foreclosed house in suburban Detroit.

My mind feels fat and out of shape like a Biggest Loser loser, and every time I try to motivate myself, I find some lame activity to do first: organizing my books by color, scavenging my parent’s cars for loose change to stuff into coin rolls, or looking up words that end in “uek” for my next online Scrabble move.

I’ve let my brain go so much that it doesn’t fit into it’s “writing jeans” anymore…and instead it hides away in stretchy sweatpants and oversized college t-shirts day after day, stuffing itself with “Lost” theories and daily celebrity quotes from People.com, only wishing it were donning those fabulous skinny jeans of a successful mutant/vampire/zombie novelist it dreams of someday wearing.

I’m not sure how to kickstart a brain diet and fitness plan—and get my ten datejenny.com reader’s back. A few have emailed me asking what happened. I make up lies saying I’m setting up a dramatic comeback to improve ratings and make money on a book about my time away from datejenny.com. I’m going to try and throw a vampire in there somewhere. They seem to make money.

But honestly, I’m out to clean things up—dig up those weeds, repaint the wood, and kick out all the sex spammers clogging my blog’s comment inbox. Datejenny.com is back on the market.

(Whew…writing these 232 words felt like my 12-minute mile run for my 5^th grade physical fitness test. Fat and slow. Let’s hope they get easier.)