Many Europeans believe Americans are loud, unsophisticated, and poor dressers. I confirmed the first 2 points some time ago while on a ski vacation in Austria. I think Europe is the coolest. There is so much history (and castles!), the Snickers bars taste better, and the cows look so much happier and healthier (thus the better dairy).

But Europe has its setbacks. There is a disproportionate number of old people, the drinks never have ice, they don’t clean up after their dogs, and dinner is always a 3-hour affair. After more than a week of these 3-hour dinners on our trip, I was growing pretty restless every night waiting for our food.

After one particular day on the mountain, I was riding down the gondola to go back to our hotel with our friend Scott, who is a very POLITICALLY CORRECT, vegetable-eating, yoga-practicing, airline pilot. I had just realized I was starving, and I was dreading the thought of another long meal. I thought these dinners were such a waste of time, so I decided to voice my frustration to Scott.

“You know why the United States is the number one superpower in the world? We don’t waste half of our day eating food.”

Scott’s eyebrows rose off his head and motioned his hand over his throat for me to stop, but I was so adamant to justify my point that I continued,

“No…seriously….everyone hates Americans because they say we think we’re so much better. But really, we’re just not lazy like everyone else. We eat our meals in 20 minutes, our stores are opened until 9 pm, and we work in the month of August. We basically know how to get things done.”

Scott finally put his hand over my mouth and whispered for me to shut up. He then points to the 20 other Europeans in the gondola now staring at me. At that moment, I remembered that practically every Scandinavian or German speaks English and I had just royally put my foot in my mouth. Scott then turns to the large Dutchman sitting on the bench and said, “Please excuse her, she actually is one of those dumb Americans.”

At dinner, Scott retells my social blunder to our group and said that even though I generalize and stereotype against anyone who wasn’t like me (which isn’t true), he admired my patriotism. Scott then starts chanting, “U-S-A! U-S-A!” and pretty soon everyone else joins in.

So to this day, whenever I make a political or social comment about the world, (to my chagrin) my family starts chanting “U-S-A! U-S-A!”

**Well, dear reader, please realize Jenny was young, naive, and oblivious to her surroundings when she made that comment. She behaves more appropriately in public now. If you’re out on a date with Jenny, and she starts sharing with you her global views—whether complimentary or not—you may have to stop her from making her point, or at least make sure she keeps her voice down.