I hate sweat. And I hate other people’s sweat (or any other bodily fluids for that matter). In my Saturday yoga class, there is a particular man who sweats—a lot. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but he sweats enough to fill a kiddie swimming pool. I see him across the room just dripping puddles all around him. He’s across the room for a reason—I purposely place my mat as far away from him as possible. I can’t sympathize; I’m not a Sweater. Sure, if it’s a hot day or I’m working out, I’ll perspire. But that’s it. I’m not a human sprinkler.

One Saturday as I was waiting for class to start, the owner of the studio tapped me on the shoulder. I needed to move over to make way for HIM. Crap. What do I do? Would it be too obvious if I picked up and completely moved? Yeah it would, so I reluctantly stayed put.

About 15 minutes into class, I saw the beads start to form on his skin. “Oh no,” I thought, “Here it comes.” And like a dam breaking, sweat fell all around his mat—and mine. I watched those drops incessantly, mindfully aware where each one fell.My sweat stays on MY mat

The worst part was the guy wasn’t even trying to contain his perspiration to his area. He’d wipe his body with a towel, and then throw it to the side, which landed on my mat half the time. C’mon! Show some consideration on my behalf. The blood must have been rushing to my head in Down Dog, because a drop of sweat 2 inches away actually started mocking me!

“Ooooo…I’m coming closer. And don’t think I’m alone; there’s more where I came from.”

All right. By then I was done. I skipped the final pose and angrily tiptoed around the drops out the door.

But my contempt for Sweaters completely changed when I took my little brother Chris—my favorite person in the world—with me to a class this past Saturday. We soon found out that Chris…is (gasp) a Sweater. Within 15 minutes the poor kid was just dripping. Shocked and somewhat embarrassed, Chris looked at me and said, “What’s happening to me?” as if he was morphing into Teen Wolf or something. Chris didn’t know he was a Sweater, nor did I.

In all fairness to Chris, the class was extremely full, so the air quickly became hot and stuffy. Even I excreted past my normal volume. But watching my poor little Chris suffer, I knew it wasn’t his fault. Chris told me after class that he thought to himself, “Ya know, this isn’t going to stop. So rather than be embarrassed, I’m going to embrace it.” And then he didn’t care. Maybe that’s how the other Sweater thought ( the one I try to avoid). He can’t help it, so he’s not going to worry about it (thus the careless towel tossing) so everyone else should just get over it. Fine. I won’t hold sweating against you, but I’ll still set up my mat as far away from you as possible.

**So if you date Jenny, you WILL be joining her for yoga. And if you are a Sweater, don’t worry. She’s getting over it and starting to accept Sweaters. If her brother is one of them (who she loves very much), then she can love other Sweaters too.

I just got word late last night that Rod Badger has been declared the new Badger Family Champ in Go-Kart racing at the LeMans Karting Center in Fremont, CA. (Congratualtions, Dad!) I heard the race was a close one, with Chris Badger leading most of the way, but Rod swooped in on the last stretch to win by one-tenth of a second. Ouch, Chris! Better not think you’ve won even if you see the checkered flag. A rematch will happen later this year at the K1 Speed Indoor Go Kart Racing in Anaheim, CA. Jenny likes to drive fast too.

**If you want to date Jenny, you better like speed (or at least be able to handle a standard transmission).

Awhile back my dad hired a trainer at a gym in Park City. I didn’t know why he drove 100 miles to work out—until I starting tagging along. We first met Brian Frost (aka “Frosty”) at the Park City Masters program. My dad wanted to get in shape for skiing, and Frosty was the man to do it. My dad walks away from every workout in such pain, that he begged me to come and take some of the focus of Frosty’s wrath off him. Frosty’s workouts are like…shall we say…medieval torture chambers. He likes to work with a lot of the toys—swiss balls, balance boards, ropes, chains, rocks, whatever. Frosty isn’t always nice, especially since we never really pay attention when he demos an exercise (Actually, I really just don’t pay attention because I’m light headed and breathing rapidly from the previous exercise). Despite our patheticness, he hasn’t given up on my dad and me yet. We still meet twice a week  at the Newpark Rec Center for whatever torture device Frosty decides to humiliate us that day.

**So if you want to date Jenny, you have to survive a workout with Frosty. No grace required.

What We’re Working Towards…

About a month ago, my dad, my brother Chris, and I joined the Heber Valley Gun Club. Not only do we love saying we’re members of the HVGC, but also love shooting trap. We’re excited to make this a new category in the line of Badger Family Championships. Badgers love to compete—especially against each other. Below is a list of the current Badger Championships and their respective champions.

• Golf - Andrew (?)
• Ski Racing - Probably Chris
• Free Throw Shoot Out - Dad
• Ping Pong - Jenny
• Tennis - Brandon 
• Trap Shooting - Chris
• Boxing - ?

Once a Badger wins a championship and claims a title, it is difficult to challenge that Badger again. The champion Badger knows that if s/he plays again, s/he could possibly lose. But if s/he doesn’t ever play again, s/he will always be known as a winner, having never lost a competition. But remember Badgers are competitive, and with the right taunting , you might be able to lure them back into a match, if no reason other than to shut you up.

**So if you’re ever thinking about dating Jenny, you’d better start training now. Badgers are winners. Holding a Badger Family Championship title will be a critical factor in your long-term sustainability.