In my last post I discussed (and readers subsequently commented) about the necessary gear you need to survive EOTW. But EOTW may not actually be a worldwide event; it may just be a moment when you find yourself stranded in the wilderness, or the moment you realize all your friends a married and you’re not. I recently read a book called Deep Survival, by Lawrence Gonzalez, which discusses the science of survival. Namely, the reasons why some people survive in certain situations and why others just lay down and die. The book leads you to ask yourself, am I a survivor? The following list is the author’s summary of the essential characteristics of a survivor (along with my own thoughts about how to survive singledom):

1. Perceive, believe. Even in the initial crisis, survivors’ perceptions and cognitive functions keep working. Look and see your surroundings. So when you first realize “OMG, I’m going to be single forever!” look at all your surroundings. Is Prince Charming the guy you’ve known since the 5th grade?

2. Stay calm. Use humor and fear to focus. Survivors are making use of fear, not being ruled by it. Remember, life can be funny single (hence the blog). Let singledom be a life builder for your identity, not a life destroyer.

3. Think/analyze/plan…and take correct, decisive action. Survivors quickly organize, set up small, manageable tasks and routines, and institute discipline, and are bold and cautious while carrying out tasks. Assess your social calendar. Call some friends. Make some plans. Blow dry your hair so you feel pretty. Introduce yourself.

4. Celebrate your successes. Survivors take great joy from even their smallest successes. Ah, he smiled at me; he got my number; he called! You got it, girl! This gives you the confidence and momentum to know that

5. Count your blessings. Be grateful you’re alive—this attitude is how survivors become rescuers instead of victims. Live happy whether you are single or not. If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy married. (And remember all the unhappy people in bad marriages.)

6. Play. Since the brain and its wiring appear to be the determining factor in survival, this is an argument for expanding and refining it. Sing, play mind games, recite poetry, count anything, do mathematical problems in your head. The best thing to survive singledom is to be doing fun stuff. Learn how to fly fish, play the piano, field strip a gun etc, etc.

7. See the beauty. Survivors are attuned to the wonders of the world. They marvel at their surroundings. There are so many beautiful, beautiful men in the world. Enjoy them—even if it’s just Christian Bale in a bat suit. It keeps your libido fire alive.

8. Surrender. Survivors manage pain well. They let go of their fear of dying. Hey, if I’m alone, I’m alone. Life is better single than being married to the wrong person.

9. Do whatever is necessary. Survivors have meta-knowledge: They know their abilities and do not over- or underestimate them. Unless you’re Charlize Theron, don’t only go for the guys who make millions and models for Calvin Klein. Same for you guys. Basically, have the expectation that you’ll get what you put on the table.

10. Never give up—let nothing break your spirit. There is always one more thing that you can do. Survivors are not easily frustrated. Never, never, NEVER settle. And remember, guys aren’t attracted to girls who are bitter about their situation.

Well, that’s it. That’s how you can survive in the dead of wilderness or the wild world of singledom. Ultimately, it comes down to not letting emotion take over reason. Don’t let your insatiable desire to get back to civilization (or get married) make you act all crazy. Instead, let that emotion drive reason—move you forward in smart, thoughtful ways. Know that you can survive on your own, and you won’t even see it coming when you’re finally rescued.

My poor mother. I think my singledom affects her more than anyone else. When she looks at me, I can see the sadness in her face: “where did I go wrong?” Back in the day, my mom had many suitors. She was married at 21 (engagement picture below), and by the time she was my age, she had 3 kids. And here I am, her daughter, in my late twenties, single, and without any prospects—the exact opposite of her.

I really don’t know how I want my mother to be involved in my dating life. For starters, she tells everyone about her finder’s fee of $1,000. (The match has to result in marriage, mind you.) But my mom is bi-polar when it comes to my dating. Whenever people suggests they know someone to set me up with it, my mom immediately says, “We’ll take him!” Another example: one time I was quietly inquiring about a guy at a family function. My mom was standing by listening, and when she heard he was a skier and going to med school, my mom shouts out loud, “Jenny, he’s the One!” It was like one of those moments when the jukebox stops, the whole room goes silent, and everyone turns their heads towards YOU.

But on the other hand, I’ve never dated anyone she’s really liked. “He’s a nice guy Jenny, but I just don’t think he’s it. She has even gone to the extreme of arranging a date when I was steadily seeing someone else. Tell me, how awkward is it when you are hanging out with your guy when some waiter she met last night calls to ask you out? Usually my boyfriends sensed what was going on and broke up with me first. (But thanks, Mom, it was a blessing in the end.)

My mom has a thing for waiters. She leaves my number on restaurant receipts. She tries to secretly give the waiter a nod in my direction. One time, she relentlessly pursued some cheesy beefcake from “SoCal” until he finally agreed to go out with me. (We have quite different tastes.)

Last week when we were eating at CPK, a quasi-cute, super-smiley waiter served our table. After he took our order with way too much enthusiasm, I looked at my mom and said, “NO!” before she could even say anything. She started laughing. “I know what you’re thinking, and NO!” If it were up to my mom, she would have asked the guy out there for me right on the spot.

Back in college, whenever I mention that I’ve met a new guy, she interjects, “well, did you tell him you’re a ski instructor at Deer Valley,” thinking the guy would immediately fall in love because I was a skier. “No Mom, my first words to the guy were not, ‘did you know I’m a ski instructor at Deer Valley?’” Sheesh.

Sometimes I tease my mom by saying, “Mom! I’ve met somebody!” and when she gets all excited, I then say “just kidding!” She tells me I’m too old to be joking about this anymore. She often threatens she’s going to take over the situation and put me in an arranged marriage.

But I try to take her behavior with a good heart. A lot of my motivation for finding a nice guy is not only to make me happy but also make my mom happy. She’s been through a lot in life, and I know she’ll rest easy if I marry a nice guy. I do believe moms have a sixth sense when it comes to their offspring. She’s been right about everyone so far. So when it comes down to the nitty gritty of dating, my mom is the only person I will really trust.

**So if you date Jenny, you’ll probably have to meet her mom, but probably not until you are practically engaged. That’s how both my older brothers handled it.

Being single definitely has its perks. Since married people often feel sorry for single people, singles can use that pity to their advantage. Below are some ways how I leverage my singledom.

• I tell my (married) manager I have to leave work early to get ready for a date, reminding him that “I’m single,” and he feels sorry for me and lets me go.
• When I’m shopping and I try on a pair of expensive jeans that look really good, I tell myself, “I’m single” which justifies my purchase. Or if I happen to be hanging out with my parents, and we go shopping, I can guilt trip them into buying <insert makeup or item of clothing> by telling them “I’m still single; I obviously need help getting married,” to which they feel bad for me and buy the <insert makeup or item of clothing>.
• Whenever my parents come across free tickets to a concert of Jazz game and they can’t go, I always get first dibs because, “I’m still single.” (Jazz tickets are good bait for a cute guy.)
• (This is not about me, but another example.) When my brother Troy was single, he justified a $20,000 loan to buy an Audi. Now that he’s married, he drives a beat-up old station wagon.
• I currently pay for a personal trainer. It’s pricey, I know, but hey, “I’m still single!”

But people can reverse the tactic and use your singledom against you.

• When my boss tells me that I can work 60 hours a week because “I’m single.”
• When someone asks if I could housesit for him next week because “I’m single.”
• When I tell my co-workers I don’t want to go out to lunch (because I just bought some jeans) and they say, “Oh c’mon. You’ve got money. You’re single.”
• When my mom tries to comb my hair for me in public, “Jenny, let me help you. You’re still single.”
• When I’m about to help myself to a second serving of chocolate cake, and someone whispers to me, “you really shouldn’t eat that. You’re single.”
• When someone wants to set you up on a date and you say, “I’m don’t do blind dates” and she comes back with, “You really should not be so judgmental. You’re still single.”

If anyone knows other ways I can use my singledom to get ahead of married people, please share them. Equally as important, please share any ways married people might use my singledom against me.

**And if you date Jenny, don’t take it personal if she tries to use the “I’m single” trick in front of you. She’s been using it for so long, it’s practically a reflex.